Learning Obedience Through Suffering

Suffering has a way of catching us off guard. No matter how much we know it’s a reality of life, it still stings when it arrives. If I’m honest, when hardship comes, my first instinct is often to ask, Why is this happening? or How do I get out of it as quickly as possible?

But recently, I’ve been reflecting on how suffering is actually part of God’s process for shaping me.

Hebrews 5:8 says:

“Although he was a son, he learned obedience through what he suffered.”

That verse is shifting my expectations about life and faith. If Jesus, the perfect Son of God, learned obedience through suffering, then why should I expect to grow any other way?

Photo by Tim Wildsmith on Unsplash

In the Trenches of Life

I don’t write this as someone who has neatly wrapped up my suffering into a lesson with a bow on top. I write this in the middle of it. I’m writing through the exhaustion, in the tears, in the days where I whisper, “Lord, I don’t know how I’m going to keep going.”

In the past year, my mom has been living with us requiring a lot more help than I expected to have to provide so early (she’s 58 and I’m 37). Almost a year to the day of her moving in, my grandmother fell seriously ill. I found her incoherent in her bathroom, and since then, I’ve been trying to manage her healthcare. The weight of making medical decisions as well as handling her affairs is more than I can describe.

A few months ago, I was devastated to find out that my daughter has a hormone issue that has caused her to enter a form of early puberty. The decisions that come with that diagnosis are overwhelming.

And yet, life doesn’t stop. I still have a job. I still have financial responsibilities. I still have a marriage. I still have my own health issues, and the stress is taking a toll on my body. Some days, I feel like I’m about to lose my mind. My body is physically responding to the stress in really weird and uncomfortable ways. I break out in hives frequently, I’ve missed cycles, I wake up with tremors in the middle of the night because my brain is constantly thinking about what’s next. And the weight of caring for aging relatives, a child with medical concerns, financial stress, and my own physical struggles is unbearable. At least it feels that way.

Only God is sustaining me.

How Will I Learn Obedience If I’m Never Tested?

When I read Hebrews 5:8, that Jesus learned obedience through what He suffered, I wrestle with that. Because suffering doesn’t feel like learning—it feels like breaking. It feels like drowning. It feels like dying.

And yet, this verse is shifting my perspective. If Jesus, the perfect Son of God, had to walk through suffering as part of His obedience, then maybe I need to stop expecting obedience to come easily for me.

Maybe obedience isn’t just about doing the right thing when life is smooth, but about choosing to keep going when life is unbearable.

Maybe learning obedience looks like:

• Getting out of bed when you don’t know how you’ll make it through the day.

• Holding on to faith when your body is falling apart from stress.

• Crying out to God, “I can’t do this,” and then taking the next step anyway.

It’s like a spiritual exercise that provides opportunity to put into practice the faith I say I have. Just as physical training strengthens the body, trials strengthen our faith (James 1:2-4). And yet, I often want growth without the discomfort. I want spiritual maturity without being stretched.

As much as the thought of bearing another hard moment of life forms a huge lump in my throat, I’m becoming more clear of the fact that obedience is learned in the fire of suffering and hardship, not in the comfort of ease.

How Do We Learn Obedience in Suffering?

If suffering is a context for learning obedience, then how do we actually grow in it? How do we do this practically? Here are a few ways that I’m learning:

1. Acknowledge the Challenge, but Shift Your Perspective

There’s nothing wrong with admitting that suffering is hard. Even Jesus, in His humanity, cried out to the Father with loud cries and tears (Heb. 5:7). But instead of seeing suffering as something to escape, I can ask:

• What is God teaching me in this?

• How is this trial shaping me into Christlikeness?

• Where am I tempted to run instead of trust?

Jesus didn’t ignore His suffering; instead, He surrendered to the Father in the midst of it. I need to do the same.

2. Focus on Faithfulness, Not Perfection

I won’t always respond to suffering well. Scratch that— I DON’T always respond well to suffering. There are days when I wrestle with doubt, frustration, or sin. But instead of spiraling in shame, I need to remember:

• Christ’s obedience was perfect because mine never could be.

• My failures don’t negate God’s faithfulness or the work that Christ accomplishes through His perfect obedience.

• My goal isn’t to be flawless in my own strength, but to have steadfast faith in Jesus, who was perfectly obedient in my place.

3. Embrace the Refining Process

Suffering has a way of exposing what’s in my heart. When I’m under pressure, what comes out?

• Impatience?

• Bitterness?

• Fear?

• Self-reliance?

• Despair?

Yes, yes, yes, yes and yes! Trials reveal what’s really inside us. But instead of seeing that as discouraging news, we can see it as God’s refining work. He allows suffering to surface these things so that He can purge what isn’t like Christ and grow what is (1 Pet. 1:6-7). When I see impatience, bitterness, despair, etc.surfacing, I know I can take it to Jesus in prayer as He sits at the right hand of the Father and intercedes on my behalf.

4. Keep Your Eyes on the End Goal

One of the hardest parts of suffering is that it feels endless when you’re in it. But Scripture reminds us that:

• Suffering in this life is temporary, but it produces an eternal glory (2 Cor. 4:17).

• God is working all things for good (Rom. 8:28).

• One day, suffering will be no more (Rev. 21:4).

When I remember where all of this is headed—when I fix my eyes on the eternal, not just the immediate—it helps me endure. I may not understand all the reasons, but I know the ultimate outcome: glory, restoration, and a faith made stronger.

I Don’t Know and That’s Okay

I wish I could tell you I have a clean conclusion for all of this. I wish I could tell you right now I see exactly how God is using the suffering in my life. I wish I could tell you that I have the official end date on all things hard. But the truth is, I don’t know. And that’s okay.

What I do know is that I’m still here, and the only reason I’m still here is because God is keeping me.

Learning obedience through suffering doesn’t mean I always feel like I’m growing. It doesn’t mean I have peace every moment or that I never break down. It just means that God is carrying me even when I feel like I’m falling apart. And listen, he is most certainly carrying me! 🙌🏾

If you’re in a season like this, where life is relentless and you don’t know how you’re going to keep going, take heart. Jesus understands. He endured. He sees you. He is keeping you. And even when you don’t feel like it, He is growing you. Believe that, my friend. ❤️